Ok, if you're gonna talk to me there are a few idioms you need to know. My mom is a 5th grade English teacher in Lufkin, Texas and raised me to almost exclusively speak in idioms. This means I spend half of my life explaining what I mean, so I thought this might save some time.
BLESS YOUR HEART: This means I'm probably insulting you. It basically means that I'm taking pity on you for something I think it absolutely pitiful. (you can also use "bless it" and "bless your pea pickin' heart" to say the same thing)
EXAMPLE: Oh bless your heart, you've never had gelato!
PITCHIN' A HISSY FIT: This means someone is having a temper tantrum. (please don't ask me what hissy means)
EXAMPLE: I pitched a hissy fit when I found my roommate's dishes in the sink AGAIN. (If my roommates happen to be reading this, CLEAN THE KITCHEN)
DRUNKER THAN COOTER BROWN: No one really knows who Cooter Brown is, but let's just say he isn't the DD.
EXAMPLE: Well he was drunker than Cooter Brown when he got that tattoo, but he's gonna get it removed so his momma will let him back in the house.
RUNNIN' AROUND WITH WILD ABANDON: This is usually something you tell kids, but it basically means to stop running around like a mad man. (Ugh, I used an idiom to explain an idiom. See what I mean?)
EXAMPLE: Hey, stop runnin' around with wild abandon! We are in the store!
HAVE A COW: This means something serious has happened. Something so crazy or intense that my body somehow would produce and birth a cow.
EXAMPLE: So I printed the final product and they didn't cut the bleed, I about had a cow.